I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
