No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
