that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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