Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
