just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
