i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
