I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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