2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize