I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
