On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize