i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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