my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
