In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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