So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
