I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
