oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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