Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
