So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
