I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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