90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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