Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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