I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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