I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
