I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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