Swine flu. Run for my life!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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