addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
