I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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