i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
