You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
