I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
