It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
