Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
