I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
