Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
