Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
