So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
