Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
