I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
