You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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