Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
