the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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