i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She told me I should be a condom model.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
