So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
