so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
