oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
