Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
