Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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