Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
