Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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