pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
