I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
