My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
well you can't waste a boner
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
