just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
