I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
