how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
