I heard we made out
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
