Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize