did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
