after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
