I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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