My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
