He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
