hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
