If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i came on her dog
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize