glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
