Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
