Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
pray to the hookup gods
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
