Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
