your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Randomize
