Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my sisters under your porch take her home
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
