love makes seman taste better
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
