The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
