her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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