I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
