Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
