The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
