Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
