Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My balls are so social today.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
