happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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