You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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